A few months ago, I was tidying up after my youngest son’s birthday party. In between stacking the dishwasher, I ate some leftover pizza and cake. For a parent, this is pretty standard; often my meals are made up of stuff my children have left behind. Something that afternoon switched, however. I was tired and had a never-ending to-do list, and no one around to help.
Before I knew it, I was reaching into the freshly stocked snack cupboard. No matter that I don’t particularly like custard creams, Penguin bars and Doritos. When I binge, I barely taste anything. It’s simply about getting through whatever’s in front of me in the quickest time possible. I obliterate the food and, for a while, the uncomfortable feelings. That was the last time I binged. It was over in less than 10 minutes, leaving me with a horrible aftertaste and nothing to look forward to but bedtime.
Lockdown worries
When lockdown descended, my greatest fear beyond friends and family becoming ill was this: the disordered eating that has dogged me much of my life would return with force. Being stuck at home with ample food and rising family tensions could easily send me back to solo midnight feasts in the kitchen.
I was bulimic as a teenager and have sporadically binge-eaten in adulthood. ‘I’m completely fine now,’ I often tell myself because, at 42, consigning my problems to the past is a way of avoiding certain fears. That my boyfriend will see a crazy, unlovable woman; that friends will think I’m making a big deal out of nothing because I’m slim and eat normally in front of them; that my children will think I’m an unfit mother.
Bu hikaye WOMAN - UK dergisinin July 27, 2020 sayısından alınmıştır.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber ? Giriş Yap
Bu hikaye WOMAN - UK dergisinin July 27, 2020 sayısından alınmıştır.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Giriş Yap
EAT WELL (even on a budget) - Easy meals that make the most of your store cupboard, and won't break the bank
Courgette and pesto pasta
The CATCH
The house was perfect - so why was it so cheap?
Elizabeth and THE RAIN
She had made Lisa's life a misery- and now she was back
I won't stop taking my daughter out of school... - TO GO TO THE BEACH!
One mum tells us why fun, spontaneous days are sometimes more important than being in the classroom
Where's the JUSTICE?
Catherine Wardle's son died over a senseless Snapchat spat
Fat-shamed BY MY MUM
Gemma Hall, 28, showed off her snaps and got a dose of tough love
Fighting for SURVIVAL
When Danielle Camilleri collapsed at 40, the diagnosis was devastating
Finding love AFTER LOSS
As Kelsey Parker moves on after losing her husband Tom, we investigate how difficult it is to find love again in widowhood
Phil's revenge
Phillip Schofield is back on our screens after a 16-month hiatus and it seems it's all-out war between the former presenter and ITV.
'I'm too scared TO HAVE SURGERY'
Christine Lampard on gratitude, staying in shape and date nights with husband Frank.