‘My brother’s suicide made me fearless – life is precious and short’

Billie Charity hit rock bottom following the death of her brother Stan. The 47-year-old from Herefordshire explains how focusing on her passion for photography helped her grieve and build a new life

My most precious memories of my younger brother Stan are of us as kids. He was happy, beautiful and the sweetest boy in the world. I adored him. We’d spend hours playing Lego and Monopoly together and remained close into adulthood. I hold these memories close now – the boy he was and the relationship we had before his brutal mental illness took hold in his thirties.

Our parents separated when we were little. My dad would travel to an off-grid cottage in a remote valley near our home in Herefordshire to spend time with us. He was a fashion photographer and I still treasure the pictures he took of those sunny days. My mum also took wonderful photos of us, capturing family Christmases and our amazing garden, which she filled with sunflowers one year. Photography was a huge passion for the whole family.

When Stan and I grew up, we lived together in London. I loved working at the BBC Learning department doing PR. But Stan never seemed happy and a couple of years later he returned to Herefordshire to live with Mum.

I took photos all the time and my now husband Dave and I would always take our cameras out at weekends. After a few visits to Herefordshire, Dave fell in love with the area. He got on really well with Stan, which made me happy. I was feeling broody and the countryside felt like a better option, so we moved back and lived with Mum and my brother for a couple of years.

HE NEVER OPENED UP

I remember that time fondly. We ate together every night and took turns to cook. We played board games and pool, watched family TV favourites. Most importantly, we talked and reminisced.