"WE COME TO THIS PLACE for magic. (Walks through front door, smiles with knowing anticipation) And for envelopes. For the magic of envelopes. We come to Staples to laugh, to cry, to care. Because we have an abiding passion for office supplies. All of us. (Conspiratorial nod) That indescribable feeling we get when we walk down the "Filing" aisle and run our fingers along a twenty-four-pack of three-tab manila folders, and we go somewhere we've never been before. (Look of blissful transport) Not just happily accepting the fact that, without a real office to go to anymore, we now have to pay for things like pens, but somehow fuelled with an irresistible desire to own ten of every width of Sharpie. (Gazes gobsmacked at various displays) Post-its plentiful enough to cover a medium-sized city. Pencil sharpeners, pencil holders... pencils. Somehow, O.C.D. feels good in a place like this. Our Pendaflex accordion folders feel like the best part of us, and ninety-nine dollar printers feel perfect and powerful and not doomed to break in six months because here (looks directly at camera)... they are." (Hypnotizes viewers into downloading the Staples Rewards app)
Bu hikaye The New Yorker dergisinin February 13 - 20, 2023 (Double Issue) sayısından alınmıştır.
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Bu hikaye The New Yorker dergisinin February 13 - 20, 2023 (Double Issue) sayısından alınmıştır.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Giriş Yap
BADDIE ISSUES
\"Wicked\" and \"Gladiator II.\"
LET'S MAKE A DEAL
\"Death Becomes Her\" and \"Burnout Paradise.\"
ANTI HEROES
\"The Franchise,\" on HBO.
FELLOW-TRAVELLERS
The surprisingly sunny origins of the Frankfurt School.
NOW YOU SEE ME
John Singer Sargent's strange, slippery portraits of an art dealer's family.
PARIS FRIEND - SHUANG XUETAO
Xiaoguo had a terror of thirst, so he kept a glass of water on the table beside his hospital bed. As soon as it was empty, he asked me to refill it. I wanted to warn him that this was unhealthy - guzzling water all night long puts pressure on the kidneys, and pissing that much couldn't be good for his injury. He was tall, though, so I decided his insides could probably cope.
WILD SIDE
Is Lake Tahoe's bear boom getting out of hand?
GETTING A GRIP
Robots learn to use their hands.
WITHHOLDING SEX FROM MY WIFE
In the wake of [the] election, progressive women, who are outraged over Donald Trump's victory at the ballot box, have taken to social media with public, vengeful vows of chastity. - The Free Press.
DEADLINE EXTENSION
Old age, reborn.
