THE BLENDING INTO CROWD

Social masking behaviour could be sabotaging your self-esteem. Here's how to spot the signs

- Victoria Stokes

"I'VE DONE SUCH A GOOD JOB OF PRETENDING TO BE AN OUTGOING PERSON THAT FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE SHOCKED WHEN I TELL THEM I'M NOT." AMANDA* (37) IS TALKING ABOUT HER EXPERIENCE OF SOCIAL MASKING. SHE SAYS IT'S SOMETHING SHE'S ALWAYS DONE.

Ever since she was a teen, she became an expert at working the room. She would seamlessly adopt the mannerisms of the people around her in a bid to fit in, while concealing her true personality.

At times, this would extend to the clothes she wore, the people she dated, and the jokes she would tell. And by her own admission, sometimes it was hard to tell who was actually the real Amanda and who was the fake.

This is social masking, the process of suppressing or concealing your natural way of interacting with others so you can feel accepted. Social maskers aren't trying to deceive anyone; rather, they are hoping to blend in with everybody else.

"Social masking is a learned set of conscious pattern-matching behaviours, movements and actions where you mimic 'normality' to fit in rather than stand out," explains psychotherapist Dipti Tait.

"It's generally adopted by people who are unable to naturally act in a way that is considered socially acceptable."

Social masking behaviour is often used by people on the autism spectrum, but according to psychologist Dr Tara Quinn-Cirillo, it's something that we all engage in to a certain extent.

She says social masking can manifest as copying what others do, such as body language, facial expressions and behaviour or practising what you may want to say.

While it can look different for everyone, social masking typically involves suppressing your natural urges (for example, forcing yourself to sit still or smile), offering rehearsed responses, and changing your personal interests to fit the crowd.

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