My autism made it harder to leave the marriage.don't like change

Christine McGuinness has spoken about her marriage split from Top Gear host Paddy and admitted she was unhappy and stayed with him for too long because her autism made it difficult to walk away.

- MARK JEFFERIES

In a new BBC documentary, she explained why she needs a new chapter in her life and how petrified she initially felt about the break-up.

Christine cries as she also tells about being raped as a youngster and says it caused suicidal thoughts.

Reflecting on what she discovered in her documentary about autism, the model said: "I felt like I said in the film I didn't want my family to ever fall apart.

And that's why I stayed married.

"As an autistic woman, I like to stay where I am comfortable. I like things to stay the same. And so that's something I suppose I chose to do.... But sometimes change has to happen." The reality TV star, 34, is seen on the programme throwing clothes away shortly after splitting from Paddy, 49.

She discusses having worn some of the outfits as part of a "masking" technique used by some autistic people to fit in.

Christine says: "I was only 19 when I met [Paddy]. And for the last 15 years my role has been wife and mum.

"I think when I got diagnosed, I kind of set out on a mission to figure out who I was, because I've played that many different roles and not really knowing which part of it was actually me or which one was mostly me." 

She adds: "So I'm clearing out, because I had a wardrobe full of clothes to wear how I thought I was supposed to look. I have also separated with my husband in the process, and I'm just I suppose shedding my old identity, trying to figure out what my new one is...

"I think the changes for me, although they're massive, I am doing everything very slowly. I'm trying to not pretend, I'm trying to not always fit in.

"And then with things like my marriage, that's massive. I've only had this one man in my life for 15 years. I can't imagine living with anybody else.

"I don't know what it's like to date. I can't remember being single.