'Women often feel more abused by the court system than the actual perpetrator'

Athena Stavrou speaks to domestic abuse survivors who say they are being 'retraumatised' by a misogynistic legal system

- Athena Stavrou

“Domestic violence is a 50/50 thing.” “It’s not like you were beaten.” “Maybe one day you’ll be able to forget what happened.”

These are just some of the shocking comments that vulnerable women say they have been forced to face in court – from the judges tasked with deciding their families’ futures.

They say the comments show a problem with misogyny in the secretive family courts that not only subjects them to further trauma – often in a courtroom with their abuser present – but leads to rulings that can even leave them legally required to face the perpetrator.

Now campaigners are calling for judges who sit in the family courts to undergo further training so they have a proper understanding of the complexities behind domestic abuse, including coercive control, when deciding on cases including access to and custody of children.

‘Reinforcing the coercive control’

Emma* broke up with her partner after 10 years, during which she says he controlled her money and would bill her for “costs” – including when she was on maternity leave raising their child. He was investigated by police for coercive and financial control but, despite this, she faced hours of questioning over money in court after he brought a case against her.

She said she had been put into debt even before the process started, because the assets under her name meant she did not qualify for legal aid despite them being controlled by her exhusband. She said: “I have assets on paper, but my ex-husband has trapped the capital in those assets [in property], so I am thousands in the red while he controls the assets that I have no access to, because his name is on the mortgages despite the first property being one I bought many years before I knew him.