I paid to LOSE MY VIRGINITY

Hiring a sex worker might seem like an extreme step but for Melanie Hawkes it was the best decision she ever made

- ELLIE FAWCETT

When it comes to disability, sex is not something anyone thinks about. In fact, I’m sure most people assume that disabled people don’t have sex at all. But that’s not the case. I am a heterosexual woman in my 40s, and I have sexual needs just the same as everyone else. The only difference is, I’m quadriplegic, paralysed in all four limbs. Establishing a healthy sex life hasn’t come without its challenges though, and up until about six months ago I’d never had sex at all.

I wasn’t born disabled – aged almost two, I hit the back of my neck on the side of my chair mid-tantrum. Mum put me down for a nap and when I woke 45 minutes later I tottered about on my feet as if drunk. I was taken to hospital, yet by the time I arrived I could only move my feet.

I was put into a neck brace and spent the next eight weeks in intensive care before I was eventually diagnosed with transverse myelitis – a rare neurological condition caused by inflammation of the spinal cord. It meant I was a quadriplegic, had limited movement in my arms and needed a wheelchair to get around.

Being so young, I don’t really remember a time without my chair. My disability meant I needed assistance with daily living for the rest of my life. As a child, my parents did my personal care and transport, but by the time I was older and living on my own, I had a team of support workers who helped me to get into bed, cook or take a bath. Despite that, I grew up being very independent, travelling and going out with friends, sometimes with my support worker.