A cure for THE GLUMS

A weekend treat is on offer (no camping involved)

- Rosie XX

"You join us for coffee on the terrace at Wendy's house, not that you'll really be bothering about the coffee. Or indeed the raspberry and almond muffins.

No, you'll probably be enjoying the view, wondering why nobody has asked to see your National Trust card, and also wondering how long you can decently wait before heading to the gift shop in search of postcards and novelty tea towels. It's that sort of place.

Wendy lives in a modest manor house, which dates back as far as I know - to the 18th century. Old, anyway (but not National Trust - I was only joking).

The cast is as follows: me, Wendy, and Phoebe, who is Wendy's sister-in-law. Somebody once told Phoebe that she looked a bit like Joanna Lumley, which is true if you imagine somebody a bit blonder but slightly shorter and a bit heftier, if that's not too unkind.

Anyway, she plays up to the image. This involves being a bit ditsy, like Patsy in Absolutely Fabulous, and saying 'darling' a lot, like Patsy in Absolutely Fabulous.

As you are now bang up to date as far as setting and atmosphere go, help yourself to another raspberry and almond muffin, and we will crack on with what I suppose we might refer to as The Plot.

'The woman sounds absolutely ghastly,' said Phoebe, 'but what can you actually do about it?'