‘I have finally learned to accept I'll never be a mum'

Karen Abi-Karam, 46, from East Sussex, reveals the grief she felt at not having a child of her own and how she came through the other side

- ALICE GREBOT

Sitting with my friends one sunny afternoon, I watched as their children ran around me, having fun. One of them, a little girl, came running up to the table next to us and swiped a chocolate biscuit.

“No! They’re for the mummies,” her mum told her. I felt those words hit me like a ton of bricks. Of course, what my friend meant was, “They’re for the adults,” but it’s things like that – assuming everyone is a mum or will be a mum one day – that have really hurt me over the years.

Like many people, I always believed I’d have children one day. I come from a big family – I’m the eldest of three, my mum is one of five and my dad is one of four – so it felt natural for me to want the same. But sadly, things didn’t turn out as expected.

Life during my 20s and early 30s centered around my social life, relationships, and my career in a marketing agency in London, so babies weren’t on the agenda.

In 2010, at age 37, I met my now-husband, Owen, through online dating. We clicked immediately and made each other laugh. Two years later we were married, and as we both wanted children we stopped using contraception. But each month, as my period came and went, I was left with a sinking feeling.

“Let’s try again next month,” I would say to Owen, hopefully.

As time went on, it became clear something wasn’t working and that we needed to consider other options. I was so angry with myself for thinking it would be straightforward.