Life After Life as the Sorority Misfit

I thought I had come to terms with my undergrad experience, until a sister’s picture-perfect wedding reopened an old wound.

- CATE HARPER

You know you really want something when you lie awake at night and play I will if.” will call my parents every Sunday if...| will start praying to you, God, if...! will use my in-caseof-emergency credit card only for real emergencies if...

As a college freshman rushing sororities, I finished these sentences with, get into EZN*.” All social cues, everything Isaw on campus, from the sisters’ polish to their popularity, told me this sorority was the best sorority. I wanted to prove to myself that I had what it took to get in.

On Bid Day, hundreds of us corralled into a giant building on campus. I could hear my heart beat as I was handed my bid card. 1 tore open the envelope and saw EZN’s colors beaming up at me. I got in. I got in!! joined an avalanche of screaming girls on the back lawn, bolting for the EZN sign, absolutely euphoric. Smile!” the EZN sisters said as they snapped a photo of my pledge class. The girls you're standing beside now are going to become your best friends.”

And these soon-to-be besties were, in a word, impressive. Their majors were premed, prelaw, engineering—serious, smart-girl shit. Wealth winked at me from their wrists David Yurman), feet Uggs), and asses Abercrombie). Iwas a big fish in my small western Pennsylvania hometown. But now, looking around at some of the models—yes, actual models—in my new sorority made me want to burn everything I owned.

I quickly got close with two other pledges: Lauren, whom/’d met on the very first night of college, after which we tried to sneak into every party we could find. And Anna, who lived in my freshman dorm. Doom, however, awaited me.

One night, during a group meeting with our pledge mom, I was told was too cliquey. It definitely wasn’t by design—I wanted to form bonds with everyone, but how do you make 18 girls your best friends?