Score More (Soft) Skills

Emotional intelligence is a special kind of savvy that boosts mental well-being and relationships - but most people don't realise when it's lacking. Amp up yours.

- JIHAAN MYERS

You're ranting to your girlfriend over FaceTime about your child's tantrums, the tendinitis ruining your runs, a never-ending work project. She's there but she's not...there. Her responses aren't making you feel validated; she's turning the convo back to how perfect her life is and seems totally distracted with side-texting. Admit it, you've been in a situation like this, where the lack of self-awareness across from you is, to be honest, driving you nuts. What your pal's displaying are signs of a lack of emotional intelligence or EQ. (And once you experience it, you swear you'll never be that person to others.)

The concept encompasses your ability to understand people's feelings and regulate your own so you interact better with others, says psychologist Dr Susan Albers-Bowling. Reading the room and knowing what vibe you give off is pretty crucial to your health, as it's basic to social connection. "Without these skills, people tend to be more reactive around other people and relationships become strained or damaged," says therapist Dr Lisa Marie Bobby, a marriage counselor and therapist who offers EQ coaching. Or, "they're so cut off from their emotions that they don't make decisions based on both empathy and other information."

And here's the truth: EQ can be a major blind spot for many people. In fact, the lower your emotional quotient, the better you think it is, recent research shows. (That makes total sense since when you lack self-awareness, you're not as likely to see how you come across to others.)