Check-in, check-up, recharge

Luxe resorts in the Maldives are banking on wellness as the next big draw. Getting tests done as you chill by the sea isn't all that odd. It's part of getting better

- VIR SANGHVI

It's a little odd to wonder if you are an elephant when you are luxuriating in one of the most iconic resorts in the Maldives.

But yes, it happened to me.

“We feel your trunk is the problem. It is too large,” the resort doctors told me with great solemnity. “It puts too much pressure on the rest of the body. It affects blood pressure and the heart. Do you understand that?”

I nodded gravely and wondered if they would reward me with a banana.

As they went on it became clear that the trunk they had in mind was my upper torso, my podgy bits which, let’s face it, are pretty elephantine.

We were in the garden of the resort’s spa and we could hear the waves lapping gently at the edge of the lagoon. This was an environment more suited to deciding whether I wanted lavender oil or sandal wood cream for my aromatherapy massage.