Why You Need to Fall Apart to Keep It Together

Being strong no longer means putting on a game face. Cry, feel, and break down, girl—it’s good for you.

- Faarah Mehta

So once upon a time Girl A’s boyfriend broke up with her, claiming he wasn’t ready for anything serious. And this was just after introducing her to his parents! So what did Girl A do to make herself feel better? She put on her best dress, dolled up, and went to the hottest party in town. She said she was fine, and that it was his loss (it was!). She unknowingly— or knowingly—may have been hurting from the inside, but on the outside, she was the life of the party! After all, she’s strong and brave...she runs the world! Girl A’s friends also applauded her ‘strong’ and ‘fierce’ attitude and even look to her for inspiration. Even Girl A mentally high-fives herself. She then posts a selfie, captioning it #Slay.

A few weeks or months later, Girl A has a small breakdown. After weeks of going out and distracting herself, she wakes up one morning with strange feelings of sadness, betrayal, and anger. She lies in bed sick—she’s caught something, but no doctor can tell her what it is. Because what she has caught is what we all catch at some point in our lives—feelings!

Girl A has been many of us. We go into the good old denial mode and convince ourselves we’re totally okay...that a heady cocktail of distraction, sternly positive selftalk, and time will heal the hurt. That we’ll get over it all, because that is much easier than acknowledging the discomfort. After all, ‘Feelings are for the weak’—that’s what we tell ourselves, to justify our ruthless and unkind approach to what we’re unwilling to face.