The Big 30

Turning 30 is a milestone that has been framed by pop culture over and over and over again.

- FARISIA THANG

Modern media has always treated the topic as if it was the end of something significant — a time to wave the proverbial white flag. In the 1989 cult classic film When Harry Met Sally, Meg Ryan’s character is told, “You’re 31 years old and the clock is ticking.” In Something Borrowed, Ginnifer Goodwin’s character hears the line, “You’re 30, you can’t be picky.” Oh, and there is an entire Friends episode dedicated to each character’s 30th birthday.

I turn 30 this month. Contrary to popular sentiment, I have always been excited by the prospect of growing older, especially in my late twenties, but it feels different this time — largely because it is. It is the literal beginning of a new decade, and the anticipation of my 30th birthday makes me feel the way I feel every New Year’s Eve. Reflective and regretful, hopeful and cynical. I feel proud of the person I am, but I also feel like I’m not where I want to be. I don’t feel old yet I feel like I’m running out of time to do all the things I want to achieve. It feels like there are years of possibility ahead of me, but also that it’s too late to make any real change in my life. There’s a lot I feel like I should have done by now but I’m not even anywhere close. I’m not married. I have no kids. I don’t have my own place. Against all the measures of conventional success, I fall short in every way. But I also know I’m not the only one who feels like this.