How To Talk Dirty Without Being A Bad Man

A useful guide for filthy allies

- Sophie Saint Thomas

THE WORD ‘SLUT’ CAN EITHER BE HOT AS HELL – as when used consensually in bed – or problematic as hell. Name-calling is a really enjoyable part of kinky dirty talk, but in the era of #MeToo it can feel very weird and even anti-feminist. But calling her a slut when she asks you to is actually extremely feminist: she’s vocalising her desires, and you’re following her rules. And you may feel like a creep, but if it’s what gets her off, you’re being a good partner by satisfying her desires (and you might enjoy it yourself). There’s a big difference between consensual name-calling and malicious namecalling in, say, the workplace. Just because someone is into erotic massage role play doesn’t mean they want to be taken advantage of by a professional masseuse when they go to the spa after a long week of work. In fact, I can assure you that they do not. Context is everything. Sometimes people just want some love and kinky sexual healing from their partner. Using the word ‘slut’ in bed is no different. Scared? Turned on? Both? Good. Read on and I’ll explain everything.

Know that this kind of thing doesn’t make her a bad feminist