Great Sex Is All In Your Head

First comes the mind, then comes (literally)... You. Yep, the magic starts from the very top

- Marissa Gainsburg

If it sometimes takes nothing short of a half-naked Idris Elba to make you want to wrinkle up the sheets – and even then, a full night’s sleep sounds more appealing – you’re not alone. One in three women loses her sex drive at some point in her life, studies show. And we don’t mean menopause. Sure, major tragedies, hormonal changes and new meds can mess with your mojo, but there’s a common reason almost all of us can relate to: our minds are getting in the way.

“For women, the brain is the main ingredient for sexual desire, function and orgasm,” says psychologist Dr Lori Brotto, author of Better Sex Through Mindfulness. Men, you see, have a direct connection between their mental and physical arousal – i.e. they get an erection because they’re turned on. Research shows that women are different: we see a titillating image and our bodies may react with increased blood flow and lubrication, but our actual interest in doing the deed might not budge. And because we have less testosterone, our libido is much more affected by our environment. We’re often too preoccupied by daily stressors, Brotto says, to let something as seemingly indulgent as bedroom intimacy (especially with a long-term partner whose novelty has worn off) take minutes away from our mornings, weekend errands, quiet me-time or QT with our kiddos.

But indulge you must. Your relationship – and self-esteem, whether you’re partnered up or not – suffers when action falls off the radar. Sex has a direct and cumulative impact on your happiness: doing it one day can make you feel more content in life the next, per a new study.

So… What to do when you wake up next to your guy instead of old Idris? Create desire – through the mind. Here’s how.

WHEN YOU RISE …

CLEAR YOUR BRAIN