Two Words to Avoid, Two to Remember

A thumbnail lesson in how to bypass the roadblock of regret

- Arthur Gordon

NOTHING IN LIFE is more exciting and rewarding than the sudden flash of insight that leaves you a changed person—not only changed, but changed for the better. Such moments are rare but they come to all of us. Sometimes from a book, a sermon, a line of poetry. Sometimes from a friend.

That wintry afternoon in Manhattan, waiting in the little French restaurant, I was feeling frustrated and depressed. Because of several miscalculations on my part, a project of considerable importance in my life had fallen through. Even the prospect of seeing a dear friend (the Old Man, as I privately, and affectionately, thought of him) failed to cheer me as it usually did. I sat there frowning at the chequered tablecloth, chewing the bitter cud of hindsight.

He came across the street, finally, muffled in his ancient overcoat, shapeless felt hat pulled down over his bald head, looking more like an energetic gnome than an eminent psychiatrist. His offices were nearby; I knew he had just left his last patient of the day. He was close to 80, but he still carried a full case load, still acted as director of a large foundation, still loved to escape to the golf course whenever he could.

By the time he came over and sat beside me, the waiter had brought his invariable bottle of ale. I had not seen him for several months, but he seemed as indestructible as ever.

“Well, young man,” he said without preliminary, “what’s troubling you?”