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YOU BUNCH OF LEAD BUFFOONS
Firms to remove toxic pipes - by year 3273
Sex? No, I'd rather get my nails done!
SALON SESSIONS FEEL FAR BETTER THAN PASSION
1,000 MORE LAGS OUT OF JAILS EARLY
Move to ease crowded prisons
HEMP-IRE BUILDING
Lauren hailed after City comeback win
TOON NOT WORTH WAIT FOR GOALS
Howe unconcerned by the blanks but new faces are needed to revive his side.
NOR WAY THROUGH
Lando loses out in tussle with Max
WILL'S ECO BLOW
Ascot flop bled
Back in Tuch
ENGLAND BOSS MATCH FIT AFTER BODY REBOOT
BOBBY DAZZLER
Sparkling darts legend nicks skaters' cool look
Clarkson's harm
JEREMY Clarkson said he'd had a \"S*** week\" after being plunged into a double near-death drama.
GIG TICKETS ..SUM YOU MIGHT PAY
FANS would know a ticket's price straight away under a proposed law tabled following the Oasis backlash.
KNIT WITS!
Gen Z's latest fad is oldies' woolies
TAKE YOUR MARKS, GET SET, & GO-BOT!
Robot's speed record so slow
Love pours for hero Chris
SHOCK AT CYCLE CHAMP'S BLEAK CANCER DIAGNOSIS
FIR CRYING OUT LOUD!
Bugs to wreck Xmas
I might be late, boss
HURRICANE-force Storm Ashley was this morning set to trigger rush-hour chaos and a surge in sickies - as workers claim blocked roads mean they can't get to the office.
PIE-GELLA
TV cook swaps posh nosh for festive Greggs
MI6 FEARS 'BOOST' IN UK TERROR
Hamas 'may widen attacks'
GUARD OF HONOUR
Pep vowing to do things the right way when his time's up
HAMERICAN DREAM
Lew hopes to thank his lucky stars and stripes in Austin.
BUDDY BLOW
Friendship out window as Azim tackles pal Ohara
Dump the junk
GOOD FOOD FUELS KIDS' FUTURES
DEL BOY'S ROLES FOR OLD BOYS
Sir David's fight for 'mature' faces on TV
LAZY SODS
Making bed is a nightmare for Gen Z
LOST ORDERS
Pubs set to be wiped out in 50 years
Trumps grin & bear it
DONALD Trump is all smiles next to his wife Melania as they make a rare public appearance together.
A BASHING OFF STORM ASHLEY
80mph gusts, blackouts fear
WE'RE NOT UP FOR THE CUPPA
Oh the shame of it.. How has tea-loving UK become a nation of LATTE drinkers?
Hounds of love
EVOLUTION IS MAKING DOGS MORE CUDDLY
Army of fans pay respects to hero
STANDING yards from where Liam Payne fell to his death, it is impossible not to be struck by the grief that still hangs heavy in the air.