Can You Really Un-Spoil Your Child?

Yes, there are ways to turn things around – without losing your temper. Here, the experts share strategies you can use in common bratty situations.

Your kid can’t walk past the store without whining for another new toy. When you try to take the iPad away, he throws a fit. And, oh dear, did you just hear him mutter the “F” word?!

You thought those days of toddler tantrums were over, only to find yourself dealing with bigger, badder behaviour. What happened along the way?

Most behavioural patterns are shaped in the first seven years of a child’s life, explains Alfred Tan, chief executive officer of the Singapore Children’s Society.

“If your child is behaving badly, it could be due to gaps or shortcomings during this period of growing up,” he says. As much as you loathe to hear this, the experts say the spoiling process probably started with you, the parent. Isn’t it so much easier to accede to your little tyrant’s demands than to play tug of war after a long day at work?

But constantly giving in to his “give me’s” has a price. Research has shown that it sets a child up for dysfunctional patterns for life.

In the Overindulge Research Study Project involving 10 studies spanning 17 years from 1996 to 2013, US-based psychologist David Bredehoft and his research partners found that overindulged children later missed out on emotional and life skills important for being a happy and capable adult.

The studies also found that adults who were overindulged in childhood were more likely to find partners who overindulge their kids, in turn, forming a vicious cycle.

Dr Foo Koong Hean, senior lecturer psychology from James Cook University, Singapore, and author of Negotiation Parenting, shares that the sooner parents nip problematic behaviour in the bud, the fewer issues will be present as the child grows.