Processing Trauma, Step by Step

When the memories of combat refused to fade, a former army medic found healing in thru-hiking.

- JESSICA PEKARI

When I was 20 years old, I joined the army to create a better life for myself. Between a steady career and the G.I. Bill, which would pay for any education I wanted after I mustered out, it offered me opportunities I never could have afforded otherwise. But I didn't count on how much being an active-duty soldier would change who I was.

In June of 2007, I deployed to Iraq for 13 months as a combat medic. I provided frontline medical care to my platoon as we convoyed all around Iraq, often encountering IEDs or coming under fire. In the beginning, I kept track of how many missions I had been on, but after a few months, I stopped counting. Part of me hoped that if I didn't track the operations, I wouldn't remember what I experienced. I was a 22-year-old with less than a year as a medic under my belt and if anything happened to my group of over a dozen soldiers, it was up to me to save their lives. It took a huge toll on me mentally, and I didn't know how to process that trauma both during my deployment and after it was over. So instead I did what I had always done and buried everything deep down.