Why did he want to hurt me?

Confused, upset and four months pregnant, I told him I needed some space. I went back to my old home, a short drive away in Welwyn Garden City, Hertfordshire. But over the next few weeks, Terrance begged for forgiveness. ‘I can’t lose you or our baby,’ he pleaded.

 

Softening, all I wanted was for the kids to have a stable family unit. So I agreed to give him one more chance. I went into labour shortly after and, on 11 December 2014, watching him gently cradle our newborn son, Rio, I was sure I’d made the right decision.

The dark side

Only, while I looked after Jack and a new baby, Terrance started drinking again and his controlling behaviour returned.

Clever and manipulative, he’d use the baby as ammunition. He’d tell me to stay at home, as Rio needed a feed, or I couldn’t see my friends, as Rio needed me. With his taunts about me being a ‘bad mum’ ringing in my ears, I was desperate to prove myself and I obeyed him, slowly isolating myself from family and friends.

Then, in December 2015, I fell pregnant again. This time, Terrance flew at me. ‘Abort it,’ he said bluntly. ‘I don’t want another baby with you.’ In that moment, I saw him for the callous bully he was. Gathering all my strength, I told him I didn’t want to be with him any more.

I finally confided the abuse to my parents and sister Hayley, then 34. Shocked, they helped me move out with the kids. But Terrance still tried to control everything. With Christmas Day coming up, he texted, demanding to pick Rio up at 1pm when he knew we’d be eating Christmas lunch. ‘I’ll drop him over at 4pm,’ I typed back. But he didn’t reply.

It was hard to think I’d be facing Christmas as a single mum again, but I was determined to make it the best I could for the children.

Under attack