A conversation that changes lives

The future wellbeing of ageing parents is a sensitive issue that should be tackled early to avoid financial and family stress

- MARC BINEHAM 

You’ve probably heard the expression, “You’ll have to take me out of here in a box.” You may even have heard it from your own parents.

Reality, sadly, often gets in the way of this desire. To put it bluntly, some people outlive their ability to look after themselves at home and necessarily need to move into some form of aged care late in their life.

Rather than pretending this will never happen, it is far healthier, and potentially much less stressful for everyone in a family, if you can have a frank, “What if the worst happens?” conversation ahead of time, just in case.

Believe me, this is much better than being forced to make hasty decisions on the run in an already high-pressure situation.

Let’s look at the elements of “The Conversation”. Who should be having it, and when?

Ideally, The Conversation is something that you and any siblings will have together with your parents. It should happen when everyone is in a good state of mind and obviously while everyone – especially the older generation – has the mental capacity to be discussing serious matters.

Try not to spring it on your parents. Flag it ahead of time and arrange a suitable time and location. Ideally, this won’t be the parents’ home, where emotional attachment might make the idea of leaving unbearable (and/or it is too easy for Mum to distract herself making tea). Perhaps make an occasion of it – a nice lunch at a quiet restaurant?