Relight my fire...

Enough is not always enough, and is sometimes too much, discovers Caro Giles

- Caro Giles

F or a long time, until quite recently, I told myself I am enough, and for a long time I believed it. But in a therapy session the other day I told my therapist I'm tired of believing I'm enough. That phrase no longer sustains me.

That's not to say that those three little words haven't held power for me in recent years. They've helped me to realise I can manage on my own. On the days when I feel small and low, reminding myself that I am enough helps me to remember I'm not lacking. When I race around trying to meet the needs of my four children, desperately stretched and running on reserves of energy I didn't know existed, I am enough becomes a mantra I repeat over and over until it feels true.

It's bewildering to me that I have had to remind myself I'm enough, whilst also feeling that I am too much. How is it possible for these two states to co-exist? Perhaps that's why I'm drawn to vast wild spaces. When I thrash around in the sea I am both huge and tiny. Lying down on the top of a hill, buffeted by winds so strong they threaten to blow me away entirely, I am both brave and helpless.