Papering OVER THE CRACKS

The holiday season can take its toll on your relationship - but how can you tell if it's unsalvageable or just seasonal stress?

- SAMANTHA WOOD

Will you have the 'perfect' Christmas with your partner? You know, the one we see on all the adverts that show happy couples cosying up together, smiling and laughing, glowing from all of the wonderful festive feelings?

Well, let's be brutally honest probably not. Because the reality is that life and relationships aren't ever 100% idyllic - at any time of the year. And when hairline cracks have been starting to appear for some time, they may feel cavernous during the festivities.

More often than not, it happens without you realising. After all, it's easy to put bad behaviour down to the 'normal' stresses of the period. Ever experienced quick-fire, back-and-forth bickering in the car on the way to a festive do, then having to plaster on a smile as you knock at the front door? The host is often none the wiser to the seething hatred that happened just moments earlier. Or maybe you've got along fine all day, but turn your back on each other when you get into bedjust the moment you need to be held the most.

'If the relationship hasn't been properly nurtured in the preceding months, it can make this time all the more uncomfortable,' says relationship coach Sam Morris*. 'Summer's heat, family commitments and financial worries can elevate already high stress levels, causing extra tension between couples. Without the capacity for time out to think clearly, it can feel like there's no hope.'

A lack of privacy

With in-laws and extended family visiting, having a moment between just you and your partner can seem impossible, let alone having an open dialogue to discuss what might be going wrong. It's simply expected by others that you're content. 'Events have long been planned, and so much emphasis is placed on everyone being happy and very much together," says Sam.