The Ties That Bind

We're all humans, which means we all need relationships to survive. stands to reason that good relationships are the best kind to have. There are ways to get there, says Lorraine Kearney

- Lorraine Kearney

You and your best friend are inseparable. You know all each other’s secrets. And then she goes and gets a boyfriend or a new friend and gradually – or suddenly – she is no longer available to you. Her other relationship may explode or simply fizzle out, and then she’s back knocking at your door and you let her in. So the cycle continues.

Or maybe you’re the best friend, being so cavalier with your pal’s emotions.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but this is not a healthy relationship. You know it, but you need a friend.

Relationships are essential to human survival. Our bodies and brains are programmed to seek out connection, whether familial, romantic or platonic. Even loners and introverts need some kind of human connection.

In his weighty book Sapiens, historian Yuval Noah Harari writes: ‘Human babies are helpless, dependent for many years on their elders for sustenance, protection and education.

‘This fact has contributed greatly to both humankind’s extraordinary social abilities and to its unique social problems. Lone mothers could hardly forage enough food for their offspring and themselves with needy children in tow. Raising children required constant help from other family members and neighbours. It takes a tribe to raise a human. Evolution thus favoured those capable of forming strong social ties …

He adds: ‘… Homo sapiens is primarily a social animal. Social co-operation is our key for survival and reproduction.’