Widowed then I MARRIED A WOMAN

When Suzanne Elvidge lost her husband, she found love again with a friend...

- FIONA FORD AND EIMEAR O'HAGAN

It’s a day that is etched in my mind – a moment I’ll never be able to forget, no matter how hard I try. It was a Friday evening in February 2018 and my husband, Tim, and I had enjoyed a night out with friends where there had been so much fun and laughter. Tim and I had known each other for over 20 years and been married for eight. Even after all this time, I found him wonderful company and we were always laughing. There was no reason to think anything was wrong. But a few hours later, in the early hours of the morning, I woke up to an awful sound – Tim’s last rattling, gasping breath. And then silence.

Without pausing to think, I phoned 999 and began performing CPR on him. I have a vision of me shouting down the phone at the call handler, begging her to help me, fear coursing through me, as she calmly gave instructions. I sobbed with every press on my husband’s chest, pleading with him to respond, but he just lay motionless on the floor, where I’d dragged him. I couldn’t lose him, and in my desperation, I pushed so hard I felt his ribs crack. At some point paramedics arrived and took over, but it was clear Tim had died. He was gone. Just like that. One minute I’d been curled up next to his still-warm body, inhaling his scent as I did every morning. The next he was being carried away by paramedics. That’s the day my life changed forever and at that moment, I didn’t know how I was going to carry on.

Struggling to cope