"Help me get along with my family"

Our relatives have a talent for pushing our buttons this time of year, which is why we asked experts for simple ways to defuse conflicts fast

- KRISTINA MASTROCOLA

Start with you

Pinpoint boundaries

“You’re such a jerk!” We may fantasize about yelling that at a difficult family member, but a better strategy is to head off conflict before it starts, says psychologist Nadine Kaslow, Ph.D. “You can say, ‘I really care about you, but I also care about myself, and I need X this holiday.’” She adds that you might also agree to have “safe zones,” like the kitchen table or living room, free of fraught topics.

Make small shifts

It’s (almost) a scientific fact: As soon as we get together with siblings, we replay past dramas. To break this pattern, Kaslow suggests making small changes. “That could be taking a few breaks during dinner or bringing a friend for support.” And if you’d like to move on from a disagreement, she suggests saying, “We have different versions of what happened. Are we at a place where we can agree to disagree and start fresh?”

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