Love and money

Everyone seems to be looking for money and love. But, when it comes to actually discussing finances in a relationship, many couples seem to hit a speed bump, writes Zukiswa Dlamini.

- Zukiswa Dlamini

Love and money are two important aspects of life. Without love, and not just romantic love, life would be colourless and meaningless. Without money on the other hand, it is hard to navigate your way around life. And, even though conversations about finances are important, many people still don’t know how to talk about money. “All couples should have constant conversations regarding money,” says Claudia Abelheim, educational psychologist at the Family Life Centre and lead trainer in the organisation’s marriage preparation programme for counsellors. “It is important for couples to have an understanding of how each view and value money, their financial status, goals, debts as well as how they will handle money as a couple or family,” she says.

GENDER DYNAMICS

Many factors play a role in how people view money and its place in a relationship. Ideas of gender roles and patriarchy are some of those dynamics, and for those who believe that the man is the head of the household, there is often financial expectations that come with that. For 37-year-old Zodwa Ngobese* from Durban, gender dynamics played a huge role in the financial matters of her relationship. “When my husband and I started dating, I was in university and didn’t have much money. Over the last eight years, my career has done really well, and I now make more money. That used to make him very insecure, and it presented through him trying to control me more.” She shares that they even almost got divorced over it.