'I Had AnxIety, And I Made It Worse'

One woman wanted to tackle her anxiety the natural way…until she realized crystals and coconut oil aren’t the cure for serious mental illness.

- Gila Lyons

When I was 17, I didn’t feel like a normal teenage girl. I felt like there was a beast locked inside my normal teenage girl’s body, scratching to get out. I regularly suffered panic attacks: hyperventilating, trembling under cold sweat, and fighting the desire to run away, even though I was just taking notes in class or hanging out at a friend’s basement.

I’d been diagnosed with generalized anxiety and panic disorder the year before, but I scoffed at the idea that my problems were hardwired in my brain or DNA. Although my psychiatrist and parents pushed me to take medication to control my symptoms, I refused. I had studied Eastern philosophy and devoured spiritual tomes like You Can Heal Your Life, which had me convinced that my mentalhealth issues were signs of a festering wound—a repressed memory or past life trauma. I wasn’t sure what exactly, but I was desperate to find out.

I deferred entry to Wesleyan University and instead took a four-day train (add aviophobia to my list of anxieties) from my hometown of Boston to Sedona, Arizona, the epicenter of New Ageism. A reputed home to five energy vortexes—places believed to be especially powerful—it is the land of the health-food store, crystal shop, Reiki master, and aural photographer (they take pictures of your aura; mine was purple). For a naive 18-year-old looking for answers, it was Disneyland.