Move Into The Peace That Is Divinity

Ajay Kalra says that the Universe has provided us with relationships to help us move into the peace that is divinity

- Ajay Kalra

Many years ago, I was initiated into spirituality through an Art Of Living programme. There, I got my first taste of ananda (bliss). Sitting still, meditating, chanting, and singing devotional songs, I was soaked in the Bliss of Being. A mind free from thoughts, desires, and fears reflected the radiance of True Self. It was heavenly! I couldn't get enough of it. I became addicted to ananda.

Whenever something triggered my emotions of inadequacy, anxiety, hurt, rejection, or abandonment, I would retreat within myself and recreate the bliss of being through silence and stillness. I saw the feeling of being unwanted and unloved as not representative of my true Self. Hence, I never encouraged or expressed it. I thought meditation and chanting would help me reach my divine state, where I would experience and express unconditional love for all.

I was wrong.

I was not sublimating my emotions; I was suppressing them. I was trying to be Jesus Christ even before I had learnt to be human. In the process, I was storing up my hurt, pain, anger, and resentment in some deep corner of my being, only to explode like a volcano someday. And it did.

I have learnt over the years that one cannot transcend one's desires and fears by overlooking them. One has to acknowledge them and express them where needed, without holding others responsible for them. Ultimately, we are human and have human needs to be loved, respected, and appreciated. Owning up to our humanity is not a weakness but a strength. Divinity can enter us only when we embrace our vulnerability.

Let me explain.