So Was It Good For You?

Women aren’t having orgasms. Men are confused. So let’s talk about it.

- Julie Vadnal

Sex can be romantic. Animalistic. Should be pleasurable. Egalitarian. Messy, but in a good way. Fun. Often, it’s straight-up confusing.

When it comes to a guy’s climax, the routine is fairly simple: you get a little turned on, there’s some touching or rubbing or partnered stimulation of some kind, and then when you’ve reached the point of no return – a release!

But women’s orgasms can be as confounding as a Westworld plotline. First we have to feel generally comfortable around you, then remember whether or not we left our curling iron plugged in this morning, reassure ourselves that we unplugged it, then remind ourselves that we’re making out with a guy we really like. The blood eventually rushes to our genitals, and the touching from then on has to be juuuuust right – not too hard, not too soft, and usually on the exact right spot. Things are going well! We’re feeling it! And even then, sometimes when an orgasm is ascending like a firework – poof! – it turns out it was just a dud.

So it’s not exactly shocking to read new research in The Journal of Sexual Medicine that says that men have a difficult time telling when (or even if) women climax during a sexual experience. In the study, which looked at a nationally representative sample of nearly 1700 newlyweds, researchers found that 43 per cent of husbands misperceived how often their wives orgasm, in most cases overestimating their wives’ Os. Remember, these weren’t random hookups but people who put rings on it and, barring any 90 Day Fiancé–type situations, had had a few years or so to explore each other’s bodies.