What I Wish I'd Known About Love In My 20's

Hindsight is 20/20. We got women in their 40s and 50s to share the advice they’d give their younger selves.

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Be present and be you

“I’m not even sure I dated that much in my 20's. Sure, there were some crushes and flings, but until I corrected my squint – a birth defect which gave my eyes an unfocused look – I’d always been insecure about my appearance. What I’d tell my younger self: You are so much more than your squint. So don’t be self-conscious. Be at ease and completely present with your date.” – Anthea Ong, 48, entrepreneur

Never forget what attracted you to him

“When I was 22, I adored how my boyfriend (later my husband) was a steady force in my life. When my dad passed away, he was always there to help, was gentle with his words and calm as the ocean. But after my career skyrocketed, what had impressed me before suddenly irritated me. As I travelled for business, he questioned my priorities – family or work? His steadiness started to look like inflexibility! But I eventually realised he was right and recalibrated my life. So, never lose sight of the qualities that drew you to your husband in the first place. My man was, and still is, my inner conscience and compass.” – Regina Chua, 50, executive coach and strategic process facilitator

Don’t conform to his idealised version of you

"Not sharing the same interests isn’t a deal-breaker. Actively disliking what your partner loves is. It’s okay to enjoy drinking and a night out with friends. But that guy who thinks it’s ‘unladylike’ and shames you for it? He’s not worth it. You’d just end up sneaking out for a drink and having to come up with lies and excuses. Find someone else who doesn’t sneer at what you love.”