My Sex Surrogate and Me

Would you sleep with a stranger to save your sex life? Alix Fox explores the ultimate ‘hands-on’ therapy.

- Alix Fox

EMMA * , 26, LIES BACK ON A PURPLE duvet, naked, legs spread wide apart. A man in his fifties stands at the foot of the bed, his erection poised. It’s the moment Emma has been waiting for. She feels secure; relaxed; a mixture of reassured calmness and electric excitement. She takes a deep breath, and says, ‘Come inside me.’ He gently eases into her, then pauses. ‘How do you feel?’ he asks. She laughs with relief, and answers, ‘Good.’

Though the room is cosy and the situation intimate, Emma isn’t about to have sex with her boyfriend or a casual date. The man with her is her sex surrogate.

A ‘sex surrogate’ is a professionally trained sex partner, who charges between £100-£200 an hour to practise intimate physical contact with clients – including penetration if necessary – to help them work through sexual problems that prevent them from engaging in healthy sexual relationships.

Clients’ issues can be the result of past sexual abuse; toxic relationships; affairs or even dealing with trauma following difficult births. Some clients are adult virgins; others can lack confidence due to hang-ups about their physical appearance.

‘The process is usually supported by a psychotherapist, who carefully discusses the client’s emotions after each session, addressing issues of the mind and body,’ explains London-based sexologist Mike Lousada, 48.

Of the 1,000 people Lousada has counselled throughout his career, he has acted as a surrogate to 25.