Character Studies

In lockdown, Mum and I were able to move past our clashing personalities and connect

- John Danakas

Last spring, when the first lockdown began, the task to check in daily on our elderly mother fell to me. I was no longer working in an office, and since I lived alone I could more easily limit social contacts and ensure her safety.

My brother and sister-in-law handled the weekly food shopping (dropped off at the side door) as well as Mum’s monthly haircut (with her seated smack in the centre of the back garden on a white-gone-grey plastic lawn chair).

Mum is 88 and lives on her own in the home she and my father moved into after their retirement. Dad passed away about 12 years ago—he fell ill just as my parents were about to celebrate their 50th anniversary.

She’s blessed, of course, to have her two sons and three grandchildren nearby, and my brother and I are lucky even to have been able to visit her. Still, I wasn’t sure how the visits would go. Mum and I agreed long ago that we have clashing personalities and, even as I’ve crossed into my late fifties, our differences still present challenges. She appreciates discipline and order; I favour improvisation. We do share a facility with language—but, unfortunately, when directed at each other, it can be biting.

Initially, I timed my visits to coincide with the Greek game shows she watches every afternoon on satellite TV. The ice-breaker worked: soon we found ourselves rooting for the same contestants or comparing the relative appeal of the various hosts.

MUM AND I AGREED LONG AGO THAT WE HAVE CLASHING PERSONALITIES AND OUR DIFFERENCES ARE STILL CHALLENGING

Mum became fascinated with my ability to find out trivial information almost instantly on my smart phone: the age of a Greek pop singer, the selling price of the house down the street, the year that a family acquaintance married.