CATEGORIES

SORRY IT'S NONI AGAIN

Blues winger inflicts more pain on Vitor's men

TOUGH COOKIE

Konate takes the biscuit after return to fitness

FERGIE TIME

Amorim calls on Sir Alex to guide him during slump

Ricky's Spyfall

HE'D BE CRAP 007 AND TELL EVERYONE

Hamilton suited and boosted

LEWIS HAMILTON dressed to impress as he heralded the dawn of a \"new era\" on his first official day as a Ferrari driver.

I HAD A MONEY FEELING

£1m lotto winner Andy put his ticket under lucky stone

Villa say Duran is staying

ASTON VILLA have slapped a 'not for sale' sign on Jhon Duran after a second West Ham bid was knocked back.

MENE REMATCH IS ON THE MENU

ENERGUMENE'S camp would not shy away from taking on his Ascot conqueror Jonbon again at the 2025 Cheltenham Festival.

Jesus not Jesus

MESSIAH'S REAL NAME WAS YESHU SAY ACTUAL SCHOLARS

TikTok a booster for Pratt

REALITY TV star Spencer Pratt has made \"life-changing\" money through TikTok.

Brooke glad to survive

ACTRESS Brooke Shields believes adversity \"reveals character\".

Wayne calls off big fight

WAYNE Bridge has pulled out of fighting KSI over the YouTuber's remarks about his ex-girlfriend's alleged affair with John Terry.

Fancy a nice semi in Willy Street?

RED-faced residents are fuming over plans to erect a new housing estate - that looks like a giant penis.

BECAUSE & EFFECT

Hypnotist Paul reveals secret word to get people to do what you want

RUBEN WAS RIGHTMOVE

United must stand by house hunter Amorim

DJOK WINS APOLOGY

NOVAK DJOKOVIC has accepted a public apology from the Australian Open host broadcaster after his interview boycott row.

LAUGH GETS US FIT...NO SWEAT!

Giggles give exercise hormone

Pope is praying for USA

POPE Francis has branded Donald Trump's plans to impose mass deportations of immigrants from the US a \"disgrace\".

Abominable

BOFF STICKS THE BOOT IN ON BIG FOOT AND SLATES LEGIT SCIENTISTS

Football fans a hit

LORD Andrew Lloyd Webber will help coach Bradford City fans as part of BBC show Bantam Of The Opera.

I was saved by God to make America great again

GET THE NURSE FOR DONALD!

I FEEL BRAND MOO

SAVED BY COWS AFTER I SAW CLARKSON'S FARM

Ozzy Lostbourne

STAR FEARS LOSING WAY IN HIS HUGE HOUSE

Slash is lucky to be alive

SLASH feels \"fortunate\" to still be alive after coming close to death in his 30s.

Cancer pill to hit market

A PILL shown to double survival time in certain lung cancer patients is set to be made routinely available on the NHS.

England go Down Under in more embarrassment

FOR longer than we care to remember, Australia have had the beating of us in men's cricket.

Lammy blast at Vlad fail

RUSSIA would need 100 years to conquer all of Ukraine if it continued gaining territory at its current \"slow\" rate, the Foreign Secretary said.

AND THE MAYHEM BEGINS

Trump to sign 200 executive actions in a day

Actors handed honours

ACTORS Mel Gibson, Jon Voight and Sylvester Stallone need to be addressed as \"Mr Ambassador\" from now on, Trump said.

MAK'S GOLD RUN

Threesy does it as Islam eyes history