Are You Dating A Narcissist?

Here’s how to know for sure, because you deserve better

- Mary Copeman

You’ve heard the word ‘narcissist’ before, but do you really know how to spot one? You might have called it early with the Tinder date who doesn’t ask you a single question about yourself. But what about the guy who seems like a woke feminist and wins you over with thoughtful compliments and impressive dates … until he does a total 180? Next thing, he’s weighing in on what you should wear and gaslighting you into a crazy mind f*ck. Yup, according to Dr Sarah Davies – a London-based psychologist – ‘Criticisms, lies and manipulative behaviours are paralleled with wildly romantic gestures, compliments and gifts, leaving partners confused and doubting themselves.’ Here are eight warning signs you need to move on.

1 They did everything to win you over

In the beginning they made you feel like you were the only girl in the world. They spoiled you with extravagant gifts, turned up on your doorstep from halfway across the world, texted you nonstop, and told you they wanted you to be the mother of their children on date two. ‘Narcissists are masters of love bombing, where they make a potential partner feel as special as they possibly can,’ says Dr Suzanne Degges-White, professor of counselling at Northern Illinois University.

Narcissists are most probably better at wooing you than someone who actually loves you, because they’re motivated by winning you over instead of actually getting to know you. What can seem like the most romantic gestures can simply be them studying you to know exactly how to be the ‘perfect’ partner to you. If you’ve watched Netflix’s You, it’s Joe Goldberg down to a tee. ‘Narcissists are adept at winning affection from their targets early on, but they have trouble maintaining longterm relationships,’ DeggesWhite says.

2 They are critical of others