7 Secrets Sex Therapists Want You To Know

Get your va-va-voom back in the bedroom this Valentine’s day...

- Karen Evennett

1 Remember, sex starts with a conversation

 Men are wired to think having sex is what creates intimacy. But, as a woman, intimacy is what turns you on and makes you feel like sex in the first place. And the biggest barrier to intimacy is lack of communication, explains psychosexual therapist Carol Martin- Sperry, author of Sexual Healing (£9.99, Constable & Robinson). ‘When you’re both tired and ragged at the end of a busy working day, he may think sex is just what you both need in order to reconnect. But that may be the last thing on your mind. So set aside time to just talk properly together – a dinner out with wine usually gets the chatter flowing. Switch off your phones and focus on each other. Even if it doesn’t lead to sex that night, you’ll be rekindling the seductive feelings that can get lost in a long-term relationship.’

2 Set boundaries your

If you’re getting into a new relationship, you may be worried about what has changed since you were last dating. Will a new partner expect things that have never been part of your sexual repertoire? ‘Thanks to fiction such as Fifty Shades Of Grey, expectations may be different, but that doesn’t mean you have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable,’ says Carol. ‘Be clear about what you will or won’t do in the bedroom. If it’s not for you, say no!’

3 Don’t let body worries spoil your fun