I Married A Man Just To Have A Baby

Desperate to be a mum, Clare Jones* settled for second best to make her dream come true.

- Alison Palmer

Looking at my husband Luke*, grinning up at me as he plays cars on the floor with our little boy, you’d think we have the perfect life. and in many respects we do.

We have a wonderful three-year-old son Alex*, I’ve just found out I’m expecting again and we’re about to move into a ‘forever’ home. Luke and I share the same passions and we make each other laugh. He also has a great job in finance that means I get to stay at home with our son.

But there’s one problem – I’m not in love with him, I never have been and I never will be. I know what real, heart-stopping love is – I’ve been there before, just not with him. I spent four years with a man who, as clichéd as it sounds, made my heart flutter every time he walked through the door. But, in February 2010, he left me for another woman. At 33, I found myself devastated and alone.

Lowering expectations

My lifelong dream for marriage and children was in tatters. I was the little girl who wanted a home full of babies to look after, not a glittering career. Maybe that’s because the house I grew up in was so different – Mum already worked hard in her career as a social worker, but when Dad walked out when I was 11, she had to do even more shifts to make ends meet. We hardly spent any time with her.

In the year after I was dumped, three of my friends got married and four became pregnant. It accentuated my singleness, and I pledged to stop being picky. If I wanted what my friends had, I needed to stop expecting the fairy tale.