'I'm Happier As A Size 16'

After suffering from depression when she lost 2st, Heather Grieve has a new take on her body image

- Clare O'reilly

Hearing the applause erupting all around me, I felt panic begin to take hold. all I wanted was to run away, but after I’d stepped on the scales, which revealed I had shed almost 2st, the rest of my diet club were eager to congratulate me. Little did they know how miserable the weight loss had actually left me.

My self-esteem, like lots of women’s, is tied up in the size of my clothes – but not in the way you’d think. At 5ft 6in, I’m at my happiest as a curvy size 16, but it took me a long time to figure that out.

After I had my daughter, Amy, in 2005 I shrank back down to my pre-pregnancy weight of 10st 12lb, a size 10, fairly quickly without even trying. The same thing happened when I had my son Finlay two years later. But 12 months after my daughter Holly was born in 2011, I was stuck at a size 14 and 12st 10lb.

Out of proportion

I didn’t mind, as I’d realised that I liked having more boobs and bum. However, my mum Katie, 54, and sister Donna, 37, were constantly talking about their desire to lose weight, and I wondered if I was lying to myself about preferring my larger figure. After all, everyone I knew was happier when they were slimmer, so maybe I would be, too.

So in January 2013, I joined my local slimming group. In my first week I lost 6lb by making simple diet swaps, having fruit and Greek yogurt for breakfast instead of butter and marmalade on toast, and ditching loaded sandwiches for big salads at lunch. The biggest change I made was cutting out treats, such as chocolate and crisps.

The compliments came thick and fast, and I knew they should have brought a smile to my face, but they didn’t – and I couldn’t work out why. Perhaps I needed to lose more weight before I started to feel good.