The Struggle Of The Sandwich Generation

The true financial burden of caring for elderly parents is one that very few talk about. Here, Ghillie Basan reveals all...

- Joan Mcfadden

As I wrapped a blanket round my half-naked mother and guided her gently back inside, I was barely able to see for tears.

I knew she had kind, worried neighbours in her quiet cul-de-sac, who’d feel nothing but compassion at seeing her in this state. But it was still deeply upsetting to think how utterly mortified she would have been, had she only been able to comprehend what was happening to her. It was a neighbour who’d called me to say Mum was wandering about in a confused state, and I’d dropped everything to drive the 30 miles to her home. Just one of the many times over the past seven years I’ve had to abandon my work and life to race to my mother’s side – and I’ve never once hesitated to do so. But the emotional, physical and financial strain of finding myself torn between my responsibilities as daughter, single mother and breadwinner has almost made me ill.

Much has been written about the burden of care on my generation, but what isn’t so openly discussed are the financial implications for those like me who want to do the right thing by an ailing parent yet are struggling to do so.

All the time I’ve spent with Mum has been time when I’m not earning.

Being self-employed and a single parent, it is very frightening to find yourself in a situation with all your money spent and no earnings coming in. I’ve sold jewellery and everything else of value to keep afloat. I’ve even remortgaged my house.

I work as hard as ever, but the last few years have really knocked me.

Mum’s care fell to me

As a girl, I was in awe of my mother’s intelligence and her lively, positive nature. A doctor specialising in family planning, who had worked for years in Nairobi, she moved back to her native Scotland with my father Bill, a professor of medicine, in 1972.