The most HARROWING DECISION a woman can make

When Zara Dawson was told her unborn baby would never survive, it was the start of an ordeal that leaves so many like her suffering in silence

- ZARA DAWSON

So miraculous are 3D pregnancy scans that my husband and I almost forgot why we were there. As we watched our unborn son in such incredible detail, we fell in love with his perfect little face, button nose and the way he waved and danced about.

There was even a moment when I coughed and we all laughed as Jesse — yes, we’d already named him — kicked wildly. Then it hit me like a sledgehammer: this was the last time we would ever see our beloved second son.

The reason for the high-quality scan was to show us why Jesse was ‘not compatible with life’. To underline why I’d have to terminate the pregnancy for medical reasons.

My husband, Lex, was with me, but I’ve never felt so isolated and full of shame. Having to ‘choose’ to end your baby’s life is the most harrowing thing that can ever happen to a woman. Yet mothers like me are left to cradle our sadness in the shadows. Our grief is too complex for society to validate.

I had always longed for a family of my own. I met Lex, now 41, when we were both acting in a West End musical. I was 18 and he was 23. It wasn’t until I turned 30 that we started trying for a baby. I wasn’t surprised when a year later it hadn’t happened. I have severe endometriosis and doctors had warned it would be hard to conceive naturally.

So we tried IVF and were fortunate enough to conceive first time. Jaxson was born at 36 weeks, with breathing issues, and spent the first 10 days in Intensive Care. I adored being a mum and loved taking Jax to classes and long walks in Greenwich Park near our home. He was the happiest boy.

Everything changed