TAKING THE REINS

Who says nice girls can't give orders? Quit waiting for permission to be brazen in the bedroom - demureness be damned.

- BY ROBYN MACLARTY

For some women, the thrill of taking charge in the bedroom is as familiar as ordering an espresso (with an emphasis on the ordering). They know what they want, when they want it, and they unapologetically expect to get it. One imagines, too, that in the vast majority of cases, their partners are only too ecstatic to do as they're told. “Some men find it very arousing if their partner initiates sex,” says intimacy and relationship coach Tracy Jacobs (totallyme.co.za). “It makes them feel desired, and they often find a sexually confident woman exciting.”

For the rest of us, sexual assertiveness may be unfamiliar territory: a land whose rules we don't quite understand and are afraid to explore. In a word: taboo. “There definitely can be societal taboos or misconceptions around women being more assertive in the bedroom,” says Tracy. “These are often rooted in outdated gender roles and cultural conditioning, rather than an innate response. We are not born with shame. We are made to feel it.”

“For some, assertiveness can be seen as dominance and in many cultures this is considered a lack of respect for one’s partner. However, society is challenging these roles, recognising that both partners should be free to express themselves and take the initiative. This is a clear sign of confidence and equality in modern relationships.”