WHAT’S HOLDING YOU BACK?

Identifying the source of what’s stopping us from being more self-confident can help us move through it and beyond it

SELF-LIMITING BELIEFS

Self-limiting beliefs are when we tell ourselves we aren’t good at something – public speaking, for example. Holding these beliefs ‘can be self-preservation; a fear that others would laugh at you or think you weren’t capable enough,’ says psychologist Dr Marianne Trent.

‘We have to consider whether the consequences we’re imagining are logical or likely, and whether the payoffs might actually outweigh some of those negatives,’ Dr Trent explains.

Chances are, you’re inflating the threat in your mind. It links back, too, to the idea of low self-confidence being cyclical: we tell ourselves we can’t do something, so we don’t do it, even though we probably could.

Dr Trent recommends that whenever we are faced with a new situation, we notice what our primary thoughts are. Are they positive – that you’re going to smash this interview, or have a lovely time with this friend – or are they more negative?

‘Tune into the thoughts, feelings, ideas, and bodily sensations you get when you have new opportunities or ideas,’ Dr Trent says. Are you telling yourself you’re not capable of something, or sensing a resistance inside yourself? This can help you identify whether self-limiting beliefs are affecting your confidence levels.

Perfectionism

‘Perfectionism can be born of a desire for other people not to criticise us, and to feel like we are good enough to do whatever we’re doing,’ Dr Trent explains. ‘But we have to remember that done is better than perfect but incomplete.’