Sitting up in his bed, our son Benedict, then two, looked at the pictures as my husband Adam read his bedtime story. 'When the baby arrives, Pirate Pete will be a big brother... Adam, then 39, read. Benedict smiled excitedly every time we read this book. 'Do you think you're going to have a brother or a sister?" I asked him.
'A sister!' he always replied.
It was March 2019 and since finding out we were expecting our second child Adam and I were so happy that our family would soon be complete. The 12- and 20-week scans went well, and we decided to keep the baby's gender a surprise. We decorated the nursery with Dumbo wallpaper and bought tiny babygrows. And we read the Pirate Pete book every night to prepare Benedict for his new big brother duties.
LIVELY BABY
The baby was due on 5 August 2019 but that day came and went. Two days later, I went shopping for some nursing bras and later that night, when I climbed into bed, I felt the baby moving around.
'Someone is lively tonight," I laughed. But the next morning I didn't feel the baby move like usual. I had a shower and some breakfast and fruit juice but still couldn't feel anything. My mum and dad came to look after Benedict, and I phoned the maternity assessment unit at St James's Hospital in Leeds and was told to come in for a check.
During an ultrasound, the midwife looked for the heartbeat. The longer she went on, the harder I stared at her as I realised what the problem was. She couldn't find one.
I held my breath as another midwife did a scan. By that point I already knew it wasn't good news and when she stopped scanning my stomach and turned to me, I was already sobbing.
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