Clutching my husband Ryan’s hand, I listened in disbelief as the doctor explained I had cervical cancer and would need chemotherapy. But it was the next words that really made my head spin – the treatment could possibly leave me infertile. In an instant, my dreams of being a mum were swept away. I was only 36.
It was January 2012 and Ryan, then 36, and I had been married for just over a year and were desperate to be parents.
Only now, we were forced to put those plans on hold as I was booked in for three rounds of chemotherapy and then a radical trachelectomy, where the cervix is removed but the womb left intact to give me the best chance possible of falling pregnant.
With my womb still in place, a small part of me still dreamt of holding a baby in my arms and watching them grow.
And in May that year, when I was given the all-clear, I felt determined. ‘I want us to at least try,’ I said to Ryan. ‘Whatever it takes,’ he agreed.
MORE HEARTACHE
But months passed with disappointment and when we still weren’t pregnant by August 2013, we decided to book an appointment at a local fertility clinic.
We began a course of IVF treatment in November but our excitement soon gave way to crushing disappointment. It hadn’t worked. ‘I’ll never be a mum,’ I sobbed to Ryan. Meanwhile, our friends were falling pregnant in a matter of months and while I was happy for them, every announcement made my heart ache.
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