I've always been an indecisive person. Pasta or tacos for dinner? Idk, you choose. Go thrifting or grab matcha? Whatever everyone else wants to do. It never bothered me very much-1 was content to go with the flow. But when it came to crushing? That's when things got tricky.
Looking back, I see plenty of signs that I was interested in girls, even at a younger age. In elementary school, my friends would whisper on the playground about the boys they thought were cute.
Tbh, I couldn't relate to those conversations-I never had an answer when it was my turn to choose a boy to like. But, then again, I was always more involved in my own interests (from musical theater to fashion) than in thinking about the exciting third-grade dating scene.
Boys have so many better options than girls do, I once remarked to my BFFs when the subject of dating arose a few years ago. That made everyone stop and stare for a second. Luckily, no one said anything, and we soon moved on.
FIRST FEELINGS
Then, Teen Beach Movie premiered on Disney Channel. I was obsessed with the character Lela-I'd watch the movie over and over again just to see her. I felt jealous when she kissed a boy onscreen, even though I knew it wasn't real life.
I'd had the same kinds of feelings before when encountering a similarly cool girl at school or a friend's cute older sister. The same questions would swirl around in my head: Do I want to be this person...or do I want to be with her?
All those moments finally added up, and I had a realization. No, I didn't want to be like Lela, the girl falling into some guy's arms. I wanted to be the one kissing her.
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