The first person I ever expressed my bi-curiosity to was my former partner, a vulnerable admission made during our relationship in the comfort of our bed as I divulged my inkling that maybe I was also attracted to women. He was respectful and he listened but – being in a monogamous relationship – I didn’t want to open a dialogue around exploring that while committed to him.
After becoming single, I toyed with the thought more, with the wildest expression of this curiosity resulting in me switching my dating app preferences from “Men” to “Men and Women” in 2020. It was a thrill to see same-sex matches come through, even more thrilling to exchange messages with these women, knowing that the conversation was occurring within a context where I knew they were attracted to me too. I exchanged a few messages with two or three women before one night, in midst of the 2020 lockdown, when one of my friends texted to tell me she thought I’d been catfished.
“My friend just messaged me telling me that someone they knew saw a profile using your pictures on Tinder!” she wrote. With my best interests at heart, she wanted me to know that the person who found my profile messaged her friend asking, “Is Maria gay?”
I thanked her for alerting me to this, told her to tell them it was a catfish and swiftly changed my app preferences back to “Men” only. Afterwards I told my friend in confidence that it was actually my profile and that I didn’t want others to know that I was ... curious. [It was] a curiosity explored only in my mind and within the confines of my phone, until one night in June the following year.
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