What's Age Got To Do With It?

Cross-generational romance is the one relationship stigma we simply can’t let go of. But age-defying couples not only make it work, they have wisdom to share

- Romy Oltuski

These days there’s no such thing as a “normal” couple: marriage reform has redefined what a legally recognised household can look like, age at first marriage is on the rise, trans couples have entered the public consciousness and egg freezing is enabling more women to put off“settling down” and stay single into their forties and beyond. Yet earlier this year, when the rumour mill buzzed that JLo (47) was reportedly romantically involved with Drake (30), critics lost their collective minds, slinging insults like “cradle-snatcher” and “desperate.” It all felt so petty, especially considering she’s dated younger men for years.

Even with major cultural norms toppling, age gaps are one relationship stigma that we just can’t seem to shake – and one that tends to cast women in a particularly unflattering light, says psychologist Dr Jessica Koblenz, who has counselled many such couples. What gives? For one thing, these relationships are still relatively uncommon. That’s partially because “proximity breeds closeness,” says Koblenz. We’re more likely to socialise and bond with people closer to our age.

There’s also the fact that cross generational couplings present specific challenges. According to one study, the larger the age difference between married partners, the more likely they will divorce. “Your everyday relationship struggles around communication, family planning and work-life balance can seem magnified when you’re in different life stages,” says Koblenz. “But even though they might be rarer, many such couples are able to navigate those struggles and thrive.” We asked women in the thick of these relationships to give their very honest takes on what it really feels like.

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