‘MUM, I'M GAY'

When Nama Winston’s son came out at the age of 12, she was worried that her parenting and their relationship would change

- NAMA WINSTON

My first reaction when my son came out to me in January 2018 was a mixture of pride and love. My second reaction was cold-blooded fear. At just 12, Winston was a child, and I worried that, as a heterosexual woman, I didn’t have the knowledge or experience to help guide him.

I was expecting my first reaction, having felt it for some time, knowing quietly that Winston is gay. I’m not sure how, exactly – call it mother’s instinct.

I’m one of those women who happily embraces ‘Mum’ as her primary identity. Motherhood means everything to me – so there’s no way a little something like Winston not being heterosexual was ever going to change that.

Except it did change everything. After the excitement of coming out, my son asked me to write an Instagram post making the announcement to friends and family, and the response was overwhelmingly supportive.

But I began to question whether my parenting needed to change because his growing up would now be so different to mine. And then the fear grew.

I wasn’t worried about the looks Winston and his future partner may get walking down the street. I knew Winston would rise above any negativity.

I was worried that it was a world I had no lived experience in, and that I would not be able to be involved in my son’s life as I wanted to be – that I wouldn’t be able to be the parent I’d planned to be.

I didn’t have the knowledge to talk to him about the LGBTQ+ community or to offer him any advice on how to meet other gay people his age. And what about later on? How could I talk to him about sex with another man?