Rediscovering myself AFTER CANCER

Saskia Lightstar had beaten a deadly disease, but she found that happiness didn’t come from her recovery

- KATIE SAATCHI

I was living in South Africa when it happened. I was 39, a fashion designer working in a beautiful country, enjoying life with a new partner, and I felt as though I was invincible. But cancer does that to you. It creeps up on you when you least expect it.

It was 2013 and, a year earlier, a mammogram had shown a benign lump in my left breast. Doctors had reassured me not to worry, and that’s exactly what I’d done – I’d not even thought about it.

But, a year on, a routine scan to monitor the lump and discuss having it removed revealed my biggest fears. The lump in my breast was still benign – that wasn’t the problem. The problem was there was now a large tumour next to it.

After further tests and biopsies, the doctor told me the tumour was cancerous. In that second, I switched into survival mode. Rather than being overwhelmed with fear, I felt nothing. There was no time for emotions. I just needed to beat this disease.

Much-needed support

A week later, my left breast was removed along with all my lymph nodes, where the cancer had spread and was stage three. Just after the operation, I broke up with my boyfriend. We’d not been together very long and, while it was upsetting, I just didn’t think our relationship would cope under the strain of my diagnosis. Besides, I wanted to focus all my attention on getting through treatment.

I can remember phoning my mum, Angela, one evening and asking, ‘How will I do this on my own?’ She wasted no time flying over from London, where I’d grown up, to stay with me during my treatment.